Some silly lyric.

My life is about to change drastically!

For a second there I had an alternative lifestyle staring me in the face, about to happen, but it didn't. There was so chemistry, it was all forced action and no coaxing or caressing. She wishes me "all the happiness is the world," as if my heart was the one that was broken, and as if I was the one who was left hanging. After this whole scenario, I laugh. That was quite possibly the most childish thing I have gone through in a while. The second being fucking someone at my work. She wasn't that big of a difference 'cause she's just at another store.

But now I have really nothing to worry about because I'm leaving the city in a month! But I'm okay with taking thus blame because I can't say that I'm fully surprised that what happened did. I was so eager to try and experience that once it happened, I was fine with leaving it that way. Done. Did. We weren't even friends before, like true close friends. It just happened so fast and so planned.

It's not even a figment of my imagination anymore.

In two weeks he will be up here! In three weeks or so after that I will be gone from this place! This place so familiar that I have called my home for nearly a year... It will just vanish in front of me 'til I return again ad continue the adventure.

I can't wait to see him... I will be out of a car that whole weekend because my parents are taking it home to fix it or something... who knows what they're really getting themselves into. All I know is that I have to begin packing. So all of my decorations that serve no function will be hauled eight hours away from me for weeks. Meaning, all of my books, tapestries, art, good half of my clothes collection, plates, cooking devices.... I want to fill my car up fully. It can happen. There is a lot of air space back there.

--
We talk on the phone about everyday, text message through out the day at least. Sappy things like, "Ah, I fucking miss you." Ha ha. It makes me smile. He calls me all the names I've wanted to be called, and now I can say them to him. I'm just waiting for the conversation preceding the I love yous. It's coming.
He can tell when I am high I think. We talked on the phone last night and I was super lit, and totally acting like it. I get in such a weird place when I'm high sometimes. I just feel aware of a lot of things I would not normally be aware of sober. I feel overly observant and picky and annoyed by absolutely everything. I feel motionless and less motivational. I feel used in every aspect and degraded. He could tell.... All I want to do is make love and lay next to each other and love each other.

"If we get serious then I'm down for that too. If not then that's okay I'll just probably get my heart broken, which is fine"

There is so much that could happen with us. I can see us being together for over five years totally in love and adding thumb tacks to a map of the world together and experiencing everything together. I feel that if we give each other a chance we can change a lot about each other. I feel like we are such best friends that something like that could eventually happen...

AH
.

Right now I'm reading Hemmingway and there is this couple. They are so in love but they just can't be together. Lady Brett is a whore pretty much, and the speaker is pathetic, lacking the one thing a woman "needs."

I cut my finger and I have a hunch that it is going to get sickeningly infected and could only be resolved by amputating it.
I love thee, amputeeeeee.