This is my third entry and I don't know how I'm feeling.

I feel very awake and conscious... even though I'm stoned. In fact I want to get mo stoned.

I don't know what I want to write right now because of that. Um, but I feel like I want to write something. I am drinking chocolate milk.

Shayna wants to go to SF for new years... I'm down... what would we (meaning everyone) do? I don't know but it'll be fun. I want to bring the doggy but at the same time that could be a huge fucking hassle.

I hate stating how I feel because it always turns out to be the opposite and I'm just projecting. I feel warm and fuzzy lately but for really strange reasons. The fire is burning for all of this and all of you but it's out of anger and love... rageful (not a word) love? Revengeful? Vindictive? Hopeful? Toxic? Stupid? It's giving me heart burn fo sho.

I've been imaginative lately, playing out all these conversations and scenarios with all the people I wish were in my life, or I could talk to. And a lot of my inhibitions have been confirmed as false, misunderstandings and communications and such. Time is passing. School is almost out and I am fucking stoked. Next semester I'm planning on taking painting again and figure drawing and philosophy (I don't remember the class but it's with this one teacher I;ve had before and I love him) and yoga. Sounds like fun + health insurance + time to save money.

My mind can't travel far right now. I feel like a lot of things that I am frustrated about are just a waste of time. They are. Bailey I can't wait to fucking see you! I miss you a lot...

I feel so conflicted about shit! I feel like all this not-wanting-to-be-mad-at-stuff-I'm-obviously-mad-about and choose not to express it because of the time wasting makes me numb... or tolerant? or apathetic?

"I'll write you to let you know that I'm alright, can't say I'm sad to see you go, 'cause I'm not."

so we just take it back