Right now seems like a good time to blog? Because I have things on my mind and I don't have a light or pen at my fingertips? My head hurts right now because I had a really strong cup of black coffee at Jen's house and we smoked weed in front of this person-I-used-to-be-friends-with's house. I have no idea how to say that properly? We talked about rape and abortion and the catholic church-that-we-all-used-to-go-to's services and youth ministry perplexities.
"Do you support murdering small children?"
"Well, course they're innocent." (on the subject of priests molesting boys)
I decided against the cigarette thing. I love them, but they are expensive and ridiculous and make you sick and now I think I might be getting pinkeye from these withdrawls, if you will - physical. My mind's been floating a lot lately. The other day I smoked before I left for work and I felt sober, and then today I think I felt all lazy and out of it at work. Whatever. My coworkers invited me to go to Linbrook with them on Tuesday night, and I found out I don't work and now I don't think I want to go. I do not see the benefit of that, since I know no one and I cannot socialize?
Adam left. :( He went home for the holiday and then he'll be back for about a day and then he's moving to Portland, OR to tour with this band American Me. I'm sad that he left and now I miss him! But he's going to have a ball drumming for this band. When he was on the phone with them we all thought he was going to start crying 'cause he was all happy. It was a good two months though, in California. I want to move to Portland damnit! But they are playing a show in Canoga Park and then in Hemet in some January time.
All the pictures of Jess and Ash's house are precious. I think I see two new room mates besides Peter and Annie? I wish I could be there! My parents bought Sisyphus a cute bed that half of his body can fit on. He all loves it though and it's cute when he lays his bigass head down on the fluff. I was out till 5am last night 'cause I went to a hookah bar with Zack and JImi and their two friends and... Noel. Who is.... undesirable.
There's something about charm that is a turnoff completely.
There's something about fantasy that is amazing. I watched "Waking Life" again with Britt and Taren and they really liked it. I feel like I either missed some the last time I watched it or just noticed more this time... that is redundant. Anyway, it said something about self-awareness being seeing someone else being affected by you - their desire for you is self-awareness. So after that I start thinking about all the different friends and acquaintances, and differentiating the two with flattery and the noticeable desire of you (me) from another. Then about the whole lucid dreaming thing... I've been so interested in it and feel like I do it a lot, actually. I wonder if I could make true some fantasies... but it still won't be real. But it almost is. For instance today I was thinking about this beautiful blonde from my past who is north now and how amazing it would be to love and fuck her? Haha, silly kind of. But in my dream it was perfect, sort of. It was surreal, like most dreams. But it felt like a whole month - session - occurred in two or three seconds from the light to the middle of the road before you turn right to get to my house. That was my like mental orgasm and then I was just reveling in it, by the time I turned off my car, speechless.
God, my head hurts.
"She was true or blinded and bruised."
A similar fantasy played out, though more censored as to avoid a calcium deposit of fantastical emotional expectation. Like those little fake pimples that are just liquified tooth matter, calcium! :D *twinkle*
I have to work tomorrow and not on Tuesday and then Wednesday and then Thursday and not Friday, but Saturday and Sunday.....................
Good night I guess.
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