To abject...

"I must be gone and live, or stay and die" - Shakespeare

I kind of feel like I'm dying, is that bad? (in the sense of staying)

I don't know what really inspired me to write in here.

I miss NorCal... I keep saying "hella" in honor of...

"All your friends seem like enemies, when you're broken down and empty" - City and Colour

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I have a lot of different emotions swarming through my head lately. I feel stuck here all over again, but I cower at another approach, in fear of something like failure? That is so vague... I am not cowardly... I've done it before. Then I see... I get ahead of myself and realize this... that time takes forever but it's over in a snap... I have to be patient.

I feel lost all over again...

I feel sad...

I feel love, but am unable to express it...

I see my mother, depressed. It's sad. It affects me. Everyone down here is miserable it seems. I scolded myself for being selfish... I still feel it. I have seen myself defend the Devil's advocate constantly. I have to dig for joy and happiness, it comes in short doses and vanishes before my eyes. I read a lot today though, that was nice. The book is quite a depressing one, haunting sort of. It's numbing. Is not apathy worse than hate...?

Dreading work and school, responsibility, expectations, motivation, devastation, repetition...

A loyal Leo in sight... a withdrawn child, intimidated. I drank a whole bottle of wine the other day. Does white wine have less alcohol than red? I find happiness and glee in music. Once the song stops it is another story. Is there a fine line between desperate and hopeful? forgiving and guilty?

"The whole world is waitin' to see when you fall" - Saves the Day