I feel warmth and constant hunger for adventure. I feel good things more than bad things. I feel excited for whatever and I feel pleased for the most part. To bad that means something is just waiting to happen, meaning something is a-brewing as I type this, and the only thing I should do is await it patiently and be prepared for anything at all to disrupt this "routine" I have going at the moment. Today was a study day and so was yesterday.
Band of Horses was so awesome live (awesome used to mea horrible), and their new stuff sounds really fucking sweet. I think I like them better live, and I was expecting them to suck. What a mindset, going to a show expecting them to suck and maybe running into an enemy.
I had a dream that I went to Ireland with a lover and I saw Mr. Harrison there. I remember being scared because we were driving up this really steep and narrow hillside, with beautiful greenery everywhere, but no trees. Just hillsides of meadows and grass and bushes, but the car was driving way too fast and too crazy, getting too close to the edge. I remember covering my eyes and getting mad at the driver. Then we went to this lake or fishing area and Diana's two kids fell in and I jumped in and saved them ha ha. I remember seeing Mr. Harrison and telling someone and then ignoring him and being scared. We stayed in a hostile or a really old house that was white and wooden. It was so beautiful. It was like Ireland and France put together.
Tonight I hung out with a really cool person. I like to hang out with them, but half the time I couldn't tell you if I believed everything that came out of their mouth, or if I could trust them thoroughly. I guess that goes for everyone. Nevertheless, it was a peaceful night as it usually is, open doors and windows and toppled walls. Could it be superficial? I feel that it could be in the end, but it's not. I feel like I'd just rather. I feel like boundaries are set firmly, but subject to change... not in a sexual sense, but like old times. Every time it becomes less and less different and more familiar. I read something about familiar and another word that started with an F and it was interesting... it sucks that I really should read things twice each time because my head is only half-focusing most of the time, and I am in a completely different place or time.
Touch is comforting. It's just what you do to comfort and I feel the warmth, to me that is more genuine than any other action or words. Comfort is scary and materialistic and manufactured and created by the Greeks who some would say also created homosexuality....
From "Irrational Man"...
-"to philosophize is to learn to die..."
-contrast between doing and knowing
I think I should start reading a fiction story alongside this text of some sort.
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