Fuck you Patty

There is nothing there for me, and there is nothing here for me. Why do I feel so down, like all the fucking time? Every disappointment is premeditated, in my next life I want to request to be a kitty cat. Sleep all day, sleep all night... sounds swell.

I just found out that CCSF starts the same day that Fullerton does. What do I do now? I'm stuck, as per usual. I don't know what I want... what else is new. If I move up there, I will be alone surrounded by many people. If I stay, I will be alone surrounded by familiar people, places and things. Should I stay or should I go now? Someone make the decision for me. Should I stay to bicker with my sister, or should I flee.

"If I only had an axe, I'd sever the ties I've made with the world" - bayside

"The foxes are loose again.
Sitting by the window, not once glancing out (small glances, like sips)
I already know what's out there,
Workers being mistreated, minorities getting taken advantage of, priests molesting children, men raping, beating women.
Hopeless and defenseless people.
Comfortable people in love with nothing but everything to lose.
The arrogance in trust.
Love is like communism.
Love is sand for the ostrich.
Love is the beer that stayed in the bottle after I knocked it over.
Love is the man made device (1972) of the walnut-tree shaker.
Involuntary ascending is love.
Surrounded by too much, I am glad to be here, alone in an international terminal."

Talk to yourself the next time you look in the mirror and see what you say back.
Just put me out for the ride, I'll hear you when we get there.

I finished my journal, filled up all the pages with nonsense ramblings of every day life. Quotes I enjoyed, sketches of things in my head. All for what? Documentation? For who? You?

Currently reading Irrational Man.
Harrison gave me a lot of books to read, which made me happy. That was about it.
I got Cesar some going away presents, but who knows if I will even be saying goodbye.
I feel equally unprepared for both options.

Brett texted me while I was out of town... Thanks you asshole, for gravitating my thoughts you fucking little bitch. You are fucking a little bitch... so that's true.

Ringo is next to me, atop all of my unnecessary pillows placed on my bed to flatter its corners and curves, just right. He lays magestically on top of them, overlooking the district of his kingdom that is my room. Door shut, he is trapped with the evil step sister and may as well make the best of it. Not to disturb him I will sleep with out blankets.


It is six in the morning for me right now. I have been awake for about sixteen hours, and traveled across the country. I went to Washington D.C.