I don't have much to say...

but it's been a while since I've written in here, or written period. My last journal entry was from like mid December.

I have nothing to say about anything.

I have a magnetic pull from up north and a stationary happiness, away from it all, down here. I found this amazing place for me in Ingleside that just might have an opening for the time I need to move up. $460 + utilities and dog included. No drugs though, but I can totally and completely deal with that. In fact, I may prefer it..?

I have the same level of friends down here and up there. Why do I keep separating one from the other? They are all the same. They all do the opposite of what they say and contradict what they think, and they all think I'm a bitch. Taren keeps calling me the "new Tati" who doesn't censor her thoughts anymore. I feel a growing connection with some one really random and also a potential connection with an old coworker who I would be working with if everything happens the way it should. The corners of my mouth are rising and stretching at just the thought.

I feel a disappointment and embarrassment, truly, from another.

People have these weird expectations of other to serve them, and one of the first things I learned in my amateur exploration of philosophy is that one must not make exceptions for oneself, in order to be honest and live a little more stress free. If you don't expect someone to do this or that, then think about how surprising the gift will be, how much more you will treasure it and appreciate the action rather than just check it off your list and walk away with a lesser frown - power trip. Can't you see past my face as I can see past yours? I thought it was a little different...

But it's all a part of the constant change of ridicularity, something replaces another. And all of my whirling thoughts are preparing me for the worst case scenario. That way when it does happen, all I can do is laugh it off and tell myself that I told myself so. But then I might become paranoid and think I can predict the future and then all these bad things will happen... or good things...


I'm going to a show tonight after I get off work at 8pm. It's at the Dollhut, I should look up directions right now. Then Britt and Vanessa are coming over to babysit Sisyphus and take him to the park.

How sweet.