They'd be together right now, not watching the same show on different tvs in different rooms.
I feel like this is all my fault. I feel ridiculous for being here right now. The moment my thoughts flow this way the tears come, wasted and ready. All I want is someone who doesn't know me more than a best friend to be around to hear me out and listen to my shit - most of it is so subjective though, it wouldn't be the same. My sadness has no maximum limit. I wonder if my neighbors can see me smoking out front in the middle of the night. Or me and Britt by the side gate in the middle of the night with the dog whining... it's a funny picture actually - next to the Barbie dream house, the huge dog, cigarette and pot smoking dyke and nondyke-nonfemme.
We have this will but no understanding when before there was quite a bit of understanding and no will behind it.
And why do I feel so lonely otherwise. There are a million possibilities. I just need to be sure that this is impossible, when nothing is.
It's sad to feel that I am a waste of time. But it's good to know that you are worthy. Am I so fixated? Am I so controlling in this way? Why can't I just be? somewhere else forever?
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