So I think I have depression or am in a depression. I can see it in my face and feel it in my stride. And I have a stride, 5'8'' and all legs it seems. I block out the wind and water and noise to my destination and remember it all. Take one step toward my class and forget it at the last second. All day, dreading that very decision. It was only after I failed my first midterm when I decided to skip my next class.
I call my mother in tears in search for reassurance, I call my father 'cause I felt like I should, I premeditated that outcome, me getting annoyed with him talking down to me. Then my aunt calls me and leaves a voice mail, and of course I call her back. How can I possibly find the courage to ignore that sort of attention? I hate to call it attention....
But that's what I want right?
I just have to finish out this dreadful semester and go home for a break.
I was too sad to walk to the bus stop, some days I make myself. I saw the boy I have a crush on today. He made me laugh and gave me a nice hug.
I'm leaving to see the woman I have a crush on in a few minutes to cut her hair. She doesn't make me laugh, she makes me think. She's a nice person, beautiful and nice person.
But I'm leaving in May anyways. I decided I'm going to pay my last month to month and slowly move home.
Hm, that didn't make much sense. My head doesn't make much sense today.
Distracted drive home. One second I'm watching snot hang from my dripping nose with my forehead resting on the steering wheel, the next I'm pulling up my clicking emergency break.
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