Look at us right now!
I applied to the funeral home on Bastanchury... and bought some shoes off the internet.
I got stoned for the first time in long time yesterday and I just kept assembling snacks for a good three hours... and then I slept for a couple hours, wrote, window shopped online, thought about nothing. It was great. But then after I "came down" I felt manic and got more stoned down the street and ate some for food, ahha. Then I came home and ate more and watched cartoons!!!!!!! It was the most productive thing I've done in a while.
Today I have to work... I can't go to work...
The other day I had o work a five hour shift and I was all pissy about it. Then I got a customer complaint that I had a bad attitude and bagged her shit badly. Which I did... and I did... damnit I got caught! But for the record, she was a bitch to me first, and then I blame my attitude on all the boys (not 'men') at work were pissing me off. Snickering and sneering at me behind my back, throwing disgusting little smiles at each other and then fucking FOOFOO was being nice to me, probably the nicest he's ever been to me ever. So naturally, I asked myself what the FUCK was going on... then he nudged me all chaplike and asked me if I have been talking to Lew, our coworker, a lot lately. I said "every day and every night!" But then when we were talking we talked about Oakland and The Blank Tapes and his "tour" and his new car and his fear of moving to Santa Cruz because "he might not be able to come back" and then I said "So? Why would you want to come back anyway?" and then he said something about having to stay with his mom and his brother is crazy and he doesn't want to do that... anyway, a normal conversation. Probably about our third ever. I meant to ask him why he was acting nice to me and why he asked me that about Lew, but then I had to leave right after I got off and go to class.
It was fucking strange.
Then I went to class and we had our nonfiction drafts to turn in. I traded with a girl who graduated from UCSC with a Literature degree and I asked her why she was taking intro to American Lit and intro to creative writing and she said... "just to take some classes." Uhmmm whateva? She used to live in Vietnam with her father and also Europe. Her five page nonfiction was about three books in one. She had some great potential to describe even further her experience with her fucked up parents who got a divorce, her dad's mail-order bride in Vietnam, her anger in the past, her college days... it jumped around a lot and then all of a sudden she moved to poetry. It was most definitely interesting but hard to read I guess. She liked mine a lot too, I transformed my LA visit into something else. It was funny though since I mentioned mushrooms in the beginning, she thought all this talk about color that I was experiencing mushrooms. Then she said she felt like she was on mushrooms... then I explained myself and right after realized that I didn't need to. I might have struck the other kid in our group awkwardly because he didn't even mark punctuation errors on my paper. Maybe he didn't even read it. He had nothing to say about it.
This girl Nicole, has the same Lit teacher I had a couple semesters ago. The one from San Francisco who gave me a fucking C. We agreed that she was arrogant and a little self centered. I tried talking to this woman about many things and she did not want a thing to do with me. Then whenever I'd see her around campus she'd forcefully give me hellos. One time she was walking with an old professor, one of my favorites, and she stopped their conversation to say hello to me in passing and he just looked at me with out recognizing me and seemed very involved in their conversation. They wanna fuck. They are both married. And both Christians... stupid.
The Jesus Freaks were at school yesterday with their big stupid yellow signs. I told them that they were at the wrong campus FOR ME, anyway... They are probably at the right campus. I am surprised to see how many people actually consider themselves Christians or not necessarily religious, but also NOT agnostic and NOT an atheist. It's so weird to me... 'cause even if you are brainwashed from an early age, doesn't that doubt ever kick in...? We had a free write in class on Wednesday and it was this: "What happens after you die? Describe it."
Mine had something to do with an out of body view and a search for limbs because how can you be seeing with out any eyes? And laughing at your corpse at how silly you really look all the time, and no wonder you couldn't get laid. Also a fading of black into nothingness that isn't easy to describe because it is impossible to fathom it completely in the wake because we are incapable of escaping space and time, those are always there. Then I said you shit twice and it is a smelly affair for those surrounding you, your pores open up, and your butt hole relaxes for the first time EVER and you finally get a real break. You finally get to relax.
Some one else said, "Ok, when you die you have one of two choices. You can either be cremated or buried." Then she explain each process including how they embalm you, if that's the right word. Some one said, "Well, I think that yeah, you go to heaven and it's something like a slot machine that you keep winning." Then my teacher asked why you would need money in paradise, that's why it's paradise. TOUCHE BRO!
There was a lot of talk about Heaven. Someone also brought up purgatory and then we spent fifteen minutes explaining what it was... WHY!? Really people are religious like that? THey believe in.. HEAVEN?
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