shawty wanna roll whatchoo want right now?
Tears fell on the drive home, ten minutes away. It only took a few seconds for me to decide that I should let them fall anyway, might as well.
"Either way, shiiiiet" - Black Dynamite - an interesting blacksploitation film that I watched the other night. It's a bit ridiculous but I enjoyed it.
I have a lot to tell you about but have nowhere to start and this YOU is so vague. I said goodbye to Jen tonight, she leave for San Francisco in the morning and her 21st is next week. I bought her orange freesias and a gift card to TJs and a lame card where I attempted to explain myself. It was just mumbo jumbo that we always say to each other including a "Happy 21st Birthday, bitch!" But to tell YOU the truth I was pretty sad to see her leave. I feel like we have gotten pretty close this summer and now it's fucking over. I'm going to miss her a lot more than I anticipated. She is the least self-destructive person I know and the most confident and caring and nurturing person... and so beautiful, driven, passionate, smart, funny... deserving. Leaving me depressed and lonely, haha. I don't even remember what happened last night and I was sober. It seems like last week.
I keep having flashbacks to two years ago and I can't stop. I keep having these outrageous visuals not drug induced, so how do you explain that? I wish I knew more about neurology because I'd like to know the process of memories? Something about them. Don't they change instantly, so it is impossible to really have a valid memory, making it possible to MAKE memories, like brainwash yourself? Kind of how a psychologist can make you REMEMBER things.... Is forgetting impossible?
From my journal:
"I'm sorry, Ringo. I've loved you so much, took you for granted, and learned from you. You snow cat, strong feline - stealth but something out smarted you, you arrogant bastard."
My tears were half for Jen and half for Ringo.
Some guy asked me to "hang some time" the other night in the midst of a blasting band, bowl, cig, and moving faces and noises. "I'll find you," he said, nonchalantly and I said "yeah, sure..." and then good bye. Anhedonia
splintered word salad
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