It's been a while. School is almost over. Much is new but nothing really that can be explained in this amount of time.
I still have anger in my gut, constantly. I cover up my thoughts with superficial ones that are easier to be concerned with. But then I may snap out of it and become utterly depressed and alone... contemplating ends of sorts... but then I just accept what is around me for what I have to be happy. It doesn't make me happy when I see someone acting fake for the sake of another... a certain friend and her boyfriend who in my opinion, tries daily to make her break up with him. That cycle is vicious and disgusting and I hate witnessing her insecurity and his dominating tendencies... taking her for granted.
And with that I see other outbursts of hers, where she may insult me in pretense... it makes me smile.
Everyone just makes me smile.
For different reasons of course. I miss realness. It makes it easier to deal with people if you dehumanize them to stars... ambiguous hands of a pedestal, flattery, mockery... But I miss humanity sometimes... I miss the fearlessness of Bailey!
I have so many thoughts... I have strong and weak zombies around me.
This one guy made fun of me at a party the other night.
Guy: "Oh, my name is Tati and I'm only into girls blah blah blah"
me: "Uhm, fuck you? If I even need to say it I'm into guys too?"
Guy: "Spend the night."
That's pretty much how it went. And then later I was sitting cross-legged, ankle on the top of my knee, if you can imagine. He came over and knocked my leg all the way down so knees were touching, and said, "Don't sit like that."
I hate people.
But in order to hate, you must love. And love I do in small doses.
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