I know you're takin' time... but maybe it's just too late.

Is that possible? Is there a time for everything? My imagination comes up with some pretty amazing things, and I guess it's up to me to actualize them... it's not that hard right? Just be open about shit, and honest, and what else can be done? It's the easiest and only way... Well, maybe not the easiest but I'm not one for mixed signals or manipulation or any of that shit... I can't "drop clues" or what have you. I can just say "I like you," or "Wanna do it?" or "Wanna hold hands?" I can't be that graceful in this sort of setting or state. So yeah, I think I may like someone or have a crush on them, but they are younger than me but not by much, much less experienced (in many ways, bade on my observations and past knowledge), and I can't tell if they are into me or not. I am highly intimidated by rejection from this person which makes me say, let's just stay friends... but that may be even harder if I feel this way. I'll just have to wait till the time is right, I guess I'll know it when it happens. Watch, when the time is "right" I'll make it wrong in every way...

Then there are people in my imagination that I picture myself being in love with, people I have met like once before, whatever. It's so nice. But the more I think about what goes into being in love, I exhaust myself. Everything and nothing at the same time goes into it. And with this person it seems easy to be around them, not having to censor much, and yet I can feel a disconnection when there is one. When it suddenly becomes a little challenging I become slightly discouraged and sad. Yet I think about them in a subtle way, just in a, let's hang out way...

But I did feel a little crazy yesterday. I was anxiety-ridden. My joints hurt when I smoke too many cigarettes.

I'm getting a new car, may drive it to SF from Portland, OR. And then home from SF. I took my entire spring break off work.
I thought yesterday was Thursday.
I thought today was Saturday.
I have homework to do when I get home from work today, but I also have pot to smoke.

I'll come find you.